I Really Do Feel Pathetic

So I'm pretty much not over you. I feel like one of those annoyingpreppygirlsthatcrieswhentheirhairisn'tperfect, basically always complaining. It's so hard to live with the guilt to know that I srewed up everything without intending it. I can't seem to fully grasp on why can't you just frgive me? I mean I did it for you back in September, even though I told everyone on Myspace, so that's like 250 people. "Why" is the only question stuck in my head. Its so hard for me, and I'm not even telling you a sixteenth of my pain. I just choose the very tiny details that make me sad. I start to tear at the thought of how happy we were. I actually find it funny at how much of an act I pull off around other people. People tell me, "Oh Tristen, you seem so much happier today." Well I guess it was pretty handy that I took drama this year. I actually am so ripped up into peices, worse than Europe was after WWII. You don't know how much I hate myself. I really do wish we could have worked things out. But now, your probably over everything. I hate it all..