Yesterday We Had It All

I don't really know how to word this one, but I have some emotions stored up that need to come out.



I'm going to make a list of things that are on my mind, so here you go:

1. Ever since retreat, I've changed a lot. And today driving home from school-I pass mountains to get to my house- I saw a patch of grass that wasn't green, and it really bugged me. (that was random, but it all leads up to this next thing) And then instantly my next thought was, i want the rapture to occur right now. I though about what I said, and I was like, wow. Is that bad? Or is that good?

2. I've been very interested in Post Secrets, so I decided to write my own. But, I'm writing mine in the most random place, all over my desks at school, hoping someone would be able to answer them.

3. I'm upset, but almost content. And you know how when everything fails epically but there's always that one inch of hope? Well I'm relying on the hope to make everything better. But it's not working, so I'm almost ready to give up.

4. I don't really like this thing going on. This challenge, I'm 210% sure I can overcome it, I just don't want to. Because if I do, then that means change. I'm not looking for change, just happiness. But happiness isn't a destination, it's a way of travel. So I'm sort of out of options. But, change is good. Hopefully.

5. I don't want to go back to that person I used to be. I guess it's really time for me to let go.

6. And these lyrics have been stuck in my head all week:
"I just wanna scream and lose control
Throw my hands up and let it go
Forget about everything and runaway"